


My Soul to Keep

by QueenofSchmoop



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Barebacking, Cliche!fic, First Time, M/M, Mention of pegging, Mention of rimming, Possible Dub-Con, Schmoop, Season/Series 06, Season/Series 06 Spoilers, Smut, Soulless!Sam, Wincest-Freeform, bottom!Dean, spoilers through "Family Matters" goes AU from there
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-10-22
Updated: 2016-10-22
Packaged: 2018-08-24 00:02:48
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,648
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8348011
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/QueenofSchmoop/pseuds/QueenofSchmoop
Summary: A What If for “Family Matters”, right after Crowley issued his ultimatum. What if there had been yet another twist. Gabriel shows up and he has Sam’s soul. Or at least, he did….





	

**Author's Note:**

> To differentiate I used _italics _for emphasis and **bold** for the flashback__

“Me, Charlie. You, Angels.”

“They’re pretty far from angels,” a voice said from behind everyone. They all turned and watched a figure come out of the shadows. “And I oughta know.”

“Gabriel?!” Dean gaped. “But you’re dead. Lucifer killed you!”

“Lucifer killed a lot of people. It’s kinda his schtick. But you, of all people, should know that some things, some people, are just not going to stay dead, Dean.” Gabriel walked down and sauntered across the room. He glanced at Sam. “How’s it going, Sasquatch?”

Sam just frowned at him. “How are you alive again?”

“I wish I could say Big Daddy did it but ‘fraid not.” Gabriel sighed. “Nope, it’s just lucky I’m friendly with the ladies.”

Sam cocked his head. “Kali.”

Gabriel grinned. “Yep. She brought me back. We’ve been canoodling for some time.”

“This is all very lovely,” Crowley broke in, his eyes black from the angel’s presence, “but also none of your business.”

“I kinda owe Sam. So I did him a good turn.”

“Oh yeah?” Dean growled. “What kind of ‘good turn‘?”

“I can’t do anything about your deal there, Gramps,” Gabriel flung back to Samuel, “but Sam’s was another story.” Turning to Crowley he teased, “checked the Cage lately?”

Crowley frowned. “Why?”

“Cause Sam’s soul isn’t there anymore.” He seemed very pleased with himself. “I have it.”

“What?” came the shout from Dean, Crowley and Samuel. Sam merely stood there. 

“You stole it?” Crowley asked. “How dare you?”

“I didn’t steal it. I made a deal.”

“A deal?”

“With Sam’s soul. I got him out in exchange for…well, that’s my little secret.”

“You can’t!” 

“I can. The rules were followed.”

“You’ve got Sam’s soul?” Dean asked, stepping forward. “With you?”

“Oh no. I tucked it away. Somewhere very, very safe.”

“Where is it?” Dean growled.

Gabriel simply smiled. Then he turned back to Crowley. “Go on. Go check. I’ll wait.” 

Crowley disappeared. Gabriel smiled and turned. “So this is your Grandpop, huh?” He nodded at Samuel. 

“Yeah.” Dean looked and then sighed. “Samuel, this is Gabriel.”

“The angel?” 

Gabriel shrugged. “Sometimes, anyway.”

“We first met him as the Trickster.” Sam interjected. 

“Good times,” Gabriel smiled.

“It’s true,” Crowley said as he reappeared. “You stole it!”

“I told you. Didn’t steal it. Made a deal. Being an ex-crossroads demon you’d think you’d appreciate the irony.”

Crowley suddenly laughed. “Oh I do, mate. Nicely played.” He looked past Gabriel to Samuel. “This means you’re still on the hook though.” Then he was gone. 

“Thought he’d never leave.”

“Gonna tell us where you stashed Sam’s soul now?”

“I told you,” and Gabriel snapped his fingers, “it’s in a very safe place.” They were, all 5 of them, now standing in Bobby Singer’s house. 

Sam reacted first. “You hid my soul at Bobby’s?”

“No.” That was all he had time to say before Bobby came around the corner with a shotgun full of rock salt. He stopped when he saw the group. 

“Boys?”

“It’s all right, Bobby,” Dean waved a hand. “Sorry to bust in on you like this.”

“And that’s different from other times how?” He was still peering suspiciously at the group. 

“Aren’t you going to introduce us?” Gabriel asked, sounding hurt. 

“Bobby,” Sam stepped in, “this is Gabriel, formerly the Trickster. And this is our Grandfather Samuel and our cousin Gwen. Everyone, this is Bobby Singer. He’s an old friend of the family.”

“Winchester side,” Dean added. 

There were nods all around then Bobby lowered his gun and turned to Gabriel. “Thought you were dead.”

“Lot of that going around lately,” Gabriel laughed. He led the way to the dining room, the table now laden with pies, cakes and other sweets. “Anyone else feeling peckish?”

After some hesitation the group sat down but did not eat, though Dean’s gaze did linger over several of the pies. Sam quickly brought Bobby up to speed, recapping recent events for him. Gabriel was spooning banana cream pudding into his mouth when he finished. 

“And wings over here was about to tell us where he hid Sam’s soul,” Dean put in. 

“Did I say that?” Gabriel licked his lips.

Dean half stood, hand going for his gun but Sam pulled him back down. “Are you going to tell us?” Sam asked. 

“Oh sure. Worth it just to see the look on your face.” The angel grinned. 

“Then tell us,” Dean snarled. 

Gabriel stood and pushed back from the table. “I told you I put it in a very safe place.”

“We know this already.”

“Don’t interrupt, Deano,” Gabriel wagged a finger. “Where was I? Oh, yes, safe place. The last place anyone would ever look. Actually the first place anyone who knows you would look but that means it’s the last place anyone would ever look. You know how it goes.” He grinned at his audience. No one grinned back. 

“There a point to this?” Bobby drawled. 

“The point is that Sam’s soul is hidden right here in this room.” Gabriel folded his arms, looking inordinately pleased with himself. 

They all looked around. “Where?”

“That doesn’t make sense,” Sam said. “You said you didn’t hide it at Bobby’s.”

“I didn’t,” Gabriel agreed. 

“Then how can it be in this room?” Samuel asked. 

“Think about it. Hopefully it’ll come to you.” 

They thought about it but no one seemed to be able to come up with an answer until, very slowly Sam said, “there’s something in this room that is not part of Bobby’s house. Somethings.”

“You always were the smart one, Sam.”

“You hid it in one of us.”

“What?” Dean turned his head. 

“He hid it in a human. You or Gwen or Samuel or Bobby.”

“Nope, not Bobby,” Gabriel shook his head. “Told you, didn’t hide it at Bobby’s. And he’s here so…”

“So Dean or Gwen or Samuel then. One of them is the hiding place.”

“One of us?” Dean was incredulous. “You tucked Sam’s soul away inside a human?” 

“Can you figure out which one of you?” Gabriel seemed to genuinely want to know. 

“Dean,” Sam said immediately. 

“What?” Dean looked at him.

“Dean’s got my soul.”

“Very good, Sam.” Gabriel clapped a few times. 

“What makes you think that?” Samuel asked. 

“A place that’s safe. A place that would be the last place anyone would look because it’s the first place anyone would look. Had to be Dean.”

Dean looked back at Gabriel and when he got no reply, he asked the angel, “is he right?”

“Course he is. Yep, you’re the pretty wrapping paper and bows around Sam’s soul, Dean.”

Dean immediately stood. “Then take it out and give it back to him!”

“Can’t.”

Dean stood back and simply looked at him then shouted one word. “Castiel!” 

“Dean, I’m rather busy at the moment--” Castiel cut himself off as he saw the man across the room. “Brother?”

“Great,” Gabriel rolled his eyes. “You just _had _to go invite little bro into this, huh, Dean?”__

__“Cas. Gabe here says he tucked Sam’s soul inside me. How do we get it out and back into Sam?”_ _

__Castiel gaped. “You found Sam’s soul?”_ _

__“Crowley had it,” Sam told him, “but apparently Gabriel stole it--”_ _

__“I did not steal it!”_ _

__“And hid it inside Dean,” Sam continued. “He says he won’t give it back to me.”_ _

__“Not won’t, Sammy,” Gabriel said, “Can’t. Big difference.”_ _

__Dean looked at him. “What difference?”_ _

__“Once a soul is inside a human only that human can give it,” Castiel interjected and told them._ _

__“So I give Sam’s soul back to Sam then!”_ _

__“It’s not that easy. There are only 3 ways to do it.”_ _

__“And they are?” Samuel asked._ _

__“One: Death. You could give up a soul upon your death to someone else.”_ _

__“Don’t really feel up to dying again,” Dean said dryly. “Option 2?”_ _

__“Two: souls may be bound together due to past live events. Karma, that sort of thing.”_ _

__“Didn’t think that angels believed in that crap?” Bobby asked._ _

__“We believe in a version of it. But since you were not tied together in a previous life that option is also out.”_ _

__“And the third?” Dean’s voice was quiet, trying to hide his desperation._ _

__“Oh this is gonna be good,” Gabriel cut in._ _

__“Three: souls may be bound together through the bonds of love.” He paused._ _

__Dean flushed. “Love? What the hell does that mean?”_ _

__“It means love. Love is--”_ _

__“I know what love is!” Dean shot him a look. “OK, we’ll take that one.”_ _

__“What?” Sam asked, looking at his brother._ _

__“We’re brothers. We’re family. We can work the love angle.”_ _

__“I’m afraid there’s more to it than just familial love,” Cas told him._ _

__“More?”_ _

__“In order for two souls to join or for one soul to be given for this option, it has to be true love.” Castiel continued, “and it has to be forever.”_ _

__Sam began getting very suspicious. “Are you saying what I think you’re saying, Cas?”_ _

__“What’s he saying?” Dean wanted to know._ _

__Gabriel was giggling by his chair._ _

__“Usually that kind of thing is only seen in couples who plight their troth.”_ _

__“What?”_ _

__“You’re saying we have to get married,” Sam said, very matter of factly._ _

__“Marriage is an institution created by humans. But a pledge of your love for each other followed by a demonstration of that love--yes.”_ _

__Dean turned confused eyes to Sam. “What the fuck, Sammy?”_ _

__Sam looked at his brother. “We have to say we love each other and then have sex.”_ _

__Dean went so still that he looked like he’d been turned to stone by a Medusa. Then he very slowly turned to Gabriel, who grinned. The next second Dean had drawn his gun and pulled it out, firing off several shots where Gabriel had been standing a second before. “Son of a bitch!” Dean shouted, looking wildly around. “Come back here! Undo this!”_ _

__“He can’t. It is the law. If you truly hold Sam’s soul within and you wish to give it back to Sam, it must be done in one of those 3 ways.” Castiel looked very serious. “I’m sorry, Dean.”_ _

__Dean looked like he wanted to shoot something and when he couldn’t he merely said, “fuck!” very loudly and dropped into his chair._ _

__Samuel nodded to the doorway. “C’mon.” He led the group out, leaving Sam, Dean and Cas alone._ _

__As Bobby passed by he said, “you boys have the _worst _luck.”___ _

____Dean didn’t even look up. When they’d all gone he said, “Cas. Can you check and see if they were telling the truth? See if I do have Sam’s soul in me?”_ _ _ _

____“I can. It will be unpleasant, bordering on painful.”_ _ _ _

____“Do it.”_ _ _ _

____Shortly after a hand plunge and a bitten off scream later, Cas stood back. “It’s true. You hold Sam’s soul.”_ _ _ _

____“Great.” That was all Dean said. Sam drew Cas aside and thanked him._ _ _ _

____“I am only sorry I could not be more help.” He looked up and away “I must return to Heaven.” And with that, he was gone._ _ _ _

____Sam waited a moment then went back into the dining room. He sat down in the chair beside Dean. “Dean?”_ _ _ _

____“There’s gotta be another way.”_ _ _ _

____“There isn’t.”_ _ _ _

____“There’s gotta be!”_ _ _ _

____“There isn’t.”_ _ _ _

____Dean looked up, eyes wet, anger written all over his face. “So you’re on board with this? Incest, Sammy? Doesn’t matter anyway. Won’t work.”_ _ _ _

____“Cas and Gabriel both said--”_ _ _ _

____“They said that we have to tell each other…that. Those three little words.”_ _ _ _

____“So?”_ _ _ _

____“So, you can’t tell me. You don’t have any feelings.”_ _ _ _

____“I can still say it.”_ _ _ _

____“Think you’re supposed to mean it, Sam. Usually the point.” Dean clutched his hand over his heart. “At least your soul’s here. We’ll keep searching.”_ _ _ _

____“Dean--”_ _ _ _

____He got up and crossed out of the room, leaving Sam sitting there. It was some time before Sam got up and went out. He found Bobby sitting alone. “Where’s Dean?”_ _ _ _

____“He and the others took one of my cars. They’re gonna head back to the warehouse and get the cars back.”_ _ _ _

____“They left without me?”_ _ _ _

____“Dean says he wants you to stay here.” Bobby was flipping through books._ _ _ _

____“He’s got you researching a way around this, doesn’t he?”_ _ _ _

____“Yeah.”_ _ _ _

____“But there isn’t. It’s those three ways or my soul stays in Dean forever.”_ _ _ _

____“Yeah.”_ _ _ _

____“Maybe that’s for the best.” He didn’t notice Bobby’s look. “It’s safe there. Dean will keep it safe.” His voice was soft._ _ _ _

____“You think so?”_ _ _ _

____“Dean’s always protected me. I mean, Sam. I mean, you know. My soul will be safe there.”_ _ _ _

____“And that’s it. Dean’s carries around an extra soul like it’s clean socks and you stay like this?”_ _ _ _

____“Maybe it’s meant to be, Bobby.”_ _ _ _

____Bobby sighed, then stood and whapped Sam on the head. “Idjit! The place for your soul is in your body! And the fact that you even said that shows how badly you need it back.” He sat back down, muttering something under his breath about ’Winchesters’ and ’blind’ and ’always this stupid’._ _ _ _

____Sam didn’t have anything to say to that so he left the room._ _ _ _

____It was the next day when the Impala pulled up. Dean got out, alone, and came in, tossing Bobby a six pack, keys and a “thanks”. Bobby grunted at him. He went in search of Sam._ _ _ _

____He found him downstairs, in Bobby’s panic room. Just sitting on the bed with the door wide open._ _ _ _

____“Sam.”_ _ _ _

____Sam looked up. “I remember being in here. I remember how it felt but I can’t feel anything about it. Is that a good thing?”_ _ _ _

____“Maybe. Like you said, makes you a better hunter.”_ _ _ _

____“Then maybe I’m right. You should keep my soul.”_ _ _ _

____Dean didn’t look surprised. “I figured you thought of that option. I did too.”_ _ _ _

____“Will you?”_ _ _ _

____Dean was silent so long that he thought he wasn’t going to get an answer. “No.”_ _ _ _

____“What?” Sam looked genuinely startled._ _ _ _

____“Your soul belongs to you. _In _you, Sam.” Dean broke off and looked away. He leaned against the wall. “And that’s where it needs to go.”___ _ _ _

______Sam said nothing then, “What are you saying?”_ _ _ _ _ _

______“I’m saying if this is the only option, then, we’ll do it.”_ _ _ _ _ _

______Sam raised an eyebrow. “You’re ready to commit incest with me?”_ _ _ _ _ _

______“If it means having you souled and back to normal again? Yeah.”_ _ _ _ _ _

______Sam blinked. “Wow.”_ _ _ _ _ _

______“Yeah.”_ _ _ _ _ _

______Long silence then, “Get whatever you need and let’s go.”_ _ _ _ _ _

______“Go where?” Sam stood._ _ _ _ _ _

______“If we’re gonna do this, we’re doing it right.”_ _ _ _ _ _

______Puzzled, Sam followed him. They said their goodbyes to Bobby, grabbed a few things and went to the car. Dean drove. About two and a half hours later they pulled into South Dakota’s capitol of Pierre. Dean navigated the streets until he got to a sign marking the Country Inn and Suites. Sam shot him a look but stayed silent as they pulled in. He stayed in the car as Dean went in and came back out with a key._ _ _ _ _ _

______The silence continued until they got into the room. Dean threw his duffle to the floor then turned to Sam and said, “Stay here. I’ll be back.”_ _ _ _ _ _

______“Where-?”_ _ _ _ _ _

______“Stay here.” Dean made it clear that was an order then softened his tone. “I’ll be back soon, Sam.” He gave one more look then left._ _ _ _ _ _

______Sam passed the time by going through his exercise routine, then taking a shower. He had just pulled on fresh clothes when the door opened again. Dean came in with two bags of stuff and set them down on the table. One he put down on the chair, then other he opened and pulled Chinese out. He began setting cartons down._ _ _ _ _ _

______“You hate Chinese.”_ _ _ _ _ _

______“You love it.”_ _ _ _ _ _

______Sam looked at him but said nothing. He finally accepted a carton and sat at the table to eat it. Dean moved the bag and sat at the third chair and ate as well. The silence ranged from uncomfortable to merely filled with tension. When the food was gone, Dean stood._ _ _ _ _ _

______“Why don’t you take a shower?”_ _ _ _ _ _

______“I just did.”_ _ _ _ _ _

______“Take another one.”_ _ _ _ _ _

______“Dean, what--?”_ _ _ _ _ _

______“Sam.”_ _ _ _ _ _

______Sam heard the tightness in his voice and said, “okay.” He went into the bathroom and turned the water on but did not get in. He let it run for nearly the usual time. Then he stopped it and waited a few more minutes. He opened the door._ _ _ _ _ _

______Dean was standing in the middle of a room bathed in candlelight. They were little votive candles and they were scattered all around their room. There were no rose petals--thank God--but soft music was playing as well. Sam looked all around and then said, “You’ve lost your mind.”_ _ _ _ _ _

______“What? No.”_ _ _ _ _ _

______“You brought me to a much nicer hotel than usual. You bought me supper--Chinese, one of my favorites--and now you’ve made the room look like a honeymoon suite. What? You figure I need seducing? I’m not a woman, Dean. I’m your brother.”_ _ _ _ _ _

______“I know that.”_ _ _ _ _ _

______“Also, I’ve never heard of you doing this for your, um, women friends.”_ _ _ _ _ _

______“Maybe I thought it should be special. Never mind.” Dean started to go around and blow out the candles, face red. He snapped off the music, turning the dial so hard it nearly broke off. Then he sat down heavily on the bed._ _ _ _ _ _

______Sam came over and sat next to him and patted his knee. “It’s very sweet, Dean. Really. I appreciate it. You made a big effort. But it’s not me. Or you. It’s not us.”_ _ _ _ _ _

______“None of this is.”_ _ _ _ _ _

______They sat there side by side and then Dean spoke in a low voice. “I can’t do this. I--I just…,” he broke off, and his head fell in his hands. He hunched over._ _ _ _ _ _

______He stayed that way, feeling Sam get off the bed, wondering if Sam was going to leave. Then he heard a sound. A sound he knew. He looked up and saw that Sam had taken off his shirt and cast it aside. He watched as his soulless brother knelt down before his legs. Sam’s hands reached out and covered Dean’s now lowered hands._ _ _ _ _ _

______“Dean. I wish I could be what you need. What you want. I remember so much. I remember how deep my feelings for you were.” His hands parted Dean’s knees and legs. He slid in between them. He lifted his head, closed the distance, and brushed a soft kiss to Dean’s lips._ _ _ _ _ _

______“Sam?”_ _ _ _ _ _

______“You used to call me Sammy. It irritated me to no end. But when you died I would have given anything to have you say it again.” Sam brushed his lips across Dean’s cheek._ _ _ _ _ _

______“Sammy?” Dean’s voice was barely a whisper._ _ _ _ _ _

______“And now, I feel nothing when you say it. But I’d give almost anything to.”_ _ _ _ _ _

______Dean wanted to ask what the ‘almost’ was but then Sam moved his head and kissed him full on. Dean’s mouth parted in shock and Sam took advantage of that. As the kiss went on Sam pushed Dean back onto the bed. They scooted up, Dean toeing off his shoes. Sam had not been wearing any since his shower._ _ _ _ _ _

______With steady hands, Sam began to undo the buttons of Dean’s shirt. His fingers paused as he passed over a certain area._ _ _ _ _ _

______“Sam?”_ _ _ _ _ _

______“No amulet,” Sam said in explanation._ _ _ _ _ _

______“No. Sorry to have thrown your gift away, Sammy.” Dean almost smiled._ _ _ _ _ _

______“It’s okay.” Sam helped Dean get out of the shirts and then lowered himself, their naked torsos touching. Dean gasped and found himself clutching his brother to himself. “Shhh,” Sam gentled him. “Let me take care of you.”_ _ _ _ _ _

______Dean started to say something about how he was the big brother and he should be taking care of Sam but then all the words flew out of his head as Sam bent his head and kissed his chest. He looked down and saw Sam’s mouth cross from the space where the amulet would normally be to his nipple. He had a moment of ‘am I really let my little brother do this?’ He almost struggled. But, as always, he gave into Sam._ _ _ _ _ _

______Sam began to lick him in earnest. He was doing wonderful things with his tongue, to both nipples, and sucking portions of naked flesh into his mouth. Dean was hardening quickly and could see Sam doing so as well._ _ _ _ _ _

______As if of its own accord, Dean’s hand came up and his fingers lodged themselves in Sam’s luscious locks. He did not tug but Sam looked up anyway. And smiled. “Always knew you liked my hair,” Sam said._ _ _ _ _ _

______“Sammy,” was all Dean could gasp out, the feel of the silky strands under his fingers._ _ _ _ _ _

______Sam’s hand came up and curled around his wrist then skated down his shoulder. He smiled--and Dean suddenly wondered if Sam had had to practice to be able to do that without a soul--and lowered his head again. This time he worked farther down, lapping his tongue across Dean’s stomach, dipping into his navel._ _ _ _ _ _

______Dean couldn’t help it as his hips bucked up against Sam._ _ _ _ _ _

______“Easy Dean,” Sam said gently as he pushed on Dean’s hips with his big hands. “We’ll get there. Don’t worry.”_ _ _ _ _ _

______Dean let out a ghost of a laugh but let his body relax. He watched Sam sit up, undo his own pants and wriggle out of them. Now Sam was only in his underwear. Dean took a moment to appreciate the new definition of his brother’s muscles but then hands were on his waist, undoing his belt and he lost his focus. Dean lifted his hips as Sam slid the jeans down his bowlegs. His erection was clearly visible under the fabric of his underwear._ _ _ _ _ _

______He had another moment ‘am I really hard for my brother?’ but then Sam put a big hand over that fabric, over that bulge._ _ _ _ _ _

______“Jesus!”_ _ _ _ _ _

______“No, just Sam,” Sam said and rubbed, only once._ _ _ _ _ _

______Dean let out a strangled laugh. “You have the weirdest goddamned sense of humor, Sammy.” Then he couldn’t make any more coherent speech because Sam had bent and was nuzzling his erection through the fabric._ _ _ _ _ _

______“You smell good. You smell like Dean.”_ _ _ _ _ _

______“I sure as hell hope so,” Dean muttered._ _ _ _ _ _

______Sam peeled back the material and Dean’s dick sprang up and out. Pulling the waistband down and tucking it under Dean’s balls, Sam enclosed one hand around the shaft. It pulsed._ _ _ _ _ _

______“Sam!” Dean shouted then took a deep breath to try to calm himself down. It didn’t work._ _ _ _ _ _

______Sam bent his head down in close, extended his tongue and gave a lick of the head. Dean’s hand clenched, the one still in Sam’s hair. It was almost painful. He wondered if Sam welcomed the pain. Then Sam gave another lick. Licking led to sucking and sucking, well, that was awesome. Too awesome, Dean suddenly thought._ _ _ _ _ _

______“Sam! Sammy, wait!”_ _ _ _ _ _

______“Why?” Sam asked, pulling off._ _ _ _ _ _

______“I think, I mean, I don’t know but if we’re supposed to do this like, you know, then sucking me off probably isn’t enough.”_ _ _ _ _ _

______“I figured that,” Sam said, licking his fingertips and trailing them over Dean’s balls._ _ _ _ _ _

______“Then,” Dean huffed, “what--?”_ _ _ _ _ _

______“This is to relax you. We have plenty of time for you to recover.” And without another word, Sam let his head fall back into Dean’s lap, mouth resuming the sucking._ _ _ _ _ _

______At some point Dean’s underwear was drawn completely off and tossed aside. His legs were spread to give his brother easier access and his heels came up to lock around Sam’s big body, as if afraid he would disappear. Sam kept sucking, fingers running over Dean’s scars and skin. His hands stroked the inside of Dean’s thighs, alternating with rolling his balls around in those big palms._ _ _ _ _ _

______“Sam. Sammy, ‘m close.”_ _ _ _ _ _

______Instead of trying to speak, Sam redoubled his efforts, diving down as far as he could on Dean’s cock. He pulled off as soon as the first fluid hit and watched Dean come, spattering all over._ _ _ _ _ _

______Dean opened sex hazed eyes and glanced at Sam. His heart tried to sink at the look of almost clinical dispassion on Sam’s face but he reigned it in. This was to restore Sam’s soul, to make that sort of thing go away. “Sam…”_ _ _ _ _ _

______“Just relax,” Sam’s voice was husky. He got up off the bed and Dean saw his cock was hard. He walked over to their bags and pulled out something Dean couldn’t see and crossed back. He held up his hand and showed what was in his palm. A little tube of lube and a condom._ _ _ _ _ _

______Sam unscrewed the lube and began to drizzle his fingers, rubbing them together to warm the gel. Then he scooted back between Dean’s legs._ _ _ _ _ _

______“Wait.” Sam stopped. “You’re gonna,” Dean almost gulped, “do me?”_ _ _ _ _ _

______“Yes, Dean. So you don’t feel the guilt. If this doesn’t work you won’t have to worry and if it does, you still won’t have to worry.”_ _ _ _ _ _

______“But I should--”_ _ _ _ _ _

______“Dean.” Sam just looked at him._ _ _ _ _ _

______“You are kinda big, Sammy,” he started to say and then blushed harder than he ever had in his life._ _ _ _ _ _

______Sam smiled. “I promise to go slow and be careful. That’s why I got you off first. So you’d be relaxed.”_ _ _ _ _ _

______“Not so relaxed now. Gonna suck me off again?” Dean actually fluttered those long eyelashes of his._ _ _ _ _ _

______Sam shook his head. “No. You’ll have to take it like a man.”_ _ _ _ _ _

______“Oh fuck you.”_ _ _ _ _ _

______“I think you mean fuck Dean.” Sam had stealthily gotten his hand in position and now pushed his finger inside Dean._ _ _ _ _ _

______“Fuck!”_ _ _ _ _ _

______“Getting closer.” Curious, Sam had to ask, “ever done anything with a guy, Dean? I mean, I know about your many conquests with women. But I never saw you with a guy before.”_ _ _ _ _ _

______“Um, kinda hard to think like this.”_ _ _ _ _ _

______“I’d like to know.”_ _ _ _ _ _

______Dean eyed him. “Mostly not.”_ _ _ _ _ _

______“Mostly? Dean, you been holding out on me?”_ _ _ _ _ _

______Dean snorted. “I experimented.”_ _ _ _ _ _

______“Tell me.”_ _ _ _ _ _

______Dean started to say something snaky but Sam put two fingers in him. He drew a very deep breath and burst out, “there was this girl.”_ _ _ _ _ _

______“I thought we were talking about guys?”_ _ _ _ _ _

______“I’m getting there. You gonna let me talk?” With his free hand, Sam gestured for him to continue. “There was this girl. Who liked to do some kinda freaky things. And one of them was, well,” he mumbled the next word._ _ _ _ _ _

______“What?”_ _ _ _ _ _

______“Pegging, okay?”_ _ _ _ _ _

______“Oh yeah?”_ _ _ _ _ _

______“Yeah. And it felt pretty good. At least once I got used to it. It’s how she preferred to, you know, get off.”_ _ _ _ _ _

______“And you’ve always been about pleasing the ladies.”_ _ _ _ _ _

______“Yeah. So it made me wonder.”_ _ _ _ _ _

______“What it would be like to do it with a man?” Sam had withdrawn his fingers and now put three back in. He thought about stimulating Dean’s prostate but he really wanted to hear the rest of the story. So he waited._ _ _ _ _ _

______“Yeah.” Dean wriggled. His hard on was back, partly from recollections and partly from Sam’s fingers. “So I found this guy. Knew he’d always had a bit of a crush on me. I told him he could do me but just the one time.”_ _ _ _ _ _

______“He was all right with that?”_ _ _ _ _ _

______“Yes. He said he’d take it. So, um, we did.”_ _ _ _ _ _

______“He fully penetrated you?”_ _ _ _ _ _

______“You always gotta sound like a doctor doing a prostate exam?” Dean bitched, then he gasped as Sam brushed against something inside him._ _ _ _ _ _

______“Speaking of prostates,” Sam drawled then pushed against it again._ _ _ _ _ _

______“Holy fucking shit!”_ _ _ _ _ _

______“Didn’t your guy do this to you?” He was curious._ _ _ _ _ _

______“No. He, um,” Dean licked his lips, “did something else.”_ _ _ _ _ _

______Sam raised an eyebrow. “What?”_ _ _ _ _ _

______“Does it mat--?” Dean broke off as Sam pulled his fingers out. “Back in!” he demanded._ _ _ _ _ _

______“Only if you tell me.”_ _ _ _ _ _

______“Blackmail? Sammy, that’s so,” Dean mock sobbed, “so me!”_ _ _ _ _ _

______Sam smiled again. “Yep, I learned from the best. Now tell me?”_ _ _ _ _ _

______“OK, OK. He kinda licked me. Down there.”_ _ _ _ _ _

______“He rimmed you?” Sam’s eyebrows rose in surprise._ _ _ _ _ _

______“Yeah.” Dean had turned his eyes away and so didn’t see Sam sliding his fingers back into position. It wasn’t until he felt them back in that he continued. “Said it would make it easier.”_ _ _ _ _ _

______“Huh. Maybe I should have done that then.”_ _ _ _ _ _

______“Dude!”_ _ _ _ _ _

______“You sound so offended, Dean,” Sam laughed. “You’re fine with me sticking my fingers in your ass but my tongue is wrong?”_ _ _ _ _ _

______Dean just huffed and then it turned into a moan as Sam dragged his fingertips across his sweet spot again. He would play with it then release, over and over. Soon Dean felt ready to come again. “I thought this was your part of things?”_ _ _ _ _ _

______“It is.” Sam reached out for the condom. “Just figured you’d want to be with me is all.”_ _ _ _ _ _

______Dean felt absurdly touched by this and chalked it up to Sam’s girly soul in him. He didn’t know what prompted him but he suddenly reached out and stopped Sam’s hand. “No.”_ _ _ _ _ _

______“No? Now what?”_ _ _ _ _ _

______“No condom.”_ _ _ _ _ _

______“No way,” Sam said. “Dean--”_ _ _ _ _ _

______“Sammy. This is supposed to be about reconnecting. How can we do that with latex between us?”_ _ _ _ _ _

______“All the ‘places’ we’ve been, Dean?”_ _ _ _ _ _

______“Gabriel didn’t rehymenate you?” Dean asked, truly curious._ _ _ _ _ _

______“I don’t know. But if he did I sure as hell am no virgin anymore.”_ _ _ _ _ _

______“Sam, you’ve been having sex?” Dean drew a hand up to his throat like an old fashioned heroine. I am shocked.”_ _ _ _ _ _

______“Yeah well, a guy has needs.”_ _ _ _ _ _

______And in that instant Dean knew. “You’ve been paying for hookers.”_ _ _ _ _ _

______Sam looked down and away then back. “Yes. And that’s why we should use protection.”_ _ _ _ _ _

______“We don’t die from shit like this,” Dean said, gesturing. “We die from 14,000 other kinds of crap but not this.”_ _ _ _ _ _

______“Dean--”_ _ _ _ _ _

______“I don’t want to use it.”_ _ _ _ _ _

______“You’re not in charge here.” Sam’s voice was very level._ _ _ _ _ _

______“Rock, paper, scissors?”_ _ _ _ _ _

______That stopped Sam. He looked his brother in the eye. “Dean, this is important.”_ _ _ _ _ _

______“To me too. Sam.” Dean reached up and drew his brother down to him and brought their lips close. “If we’re really doing this, if we’re gonna have sex and break every taboo and law and what-the-fuck-ever, then nothing comes between us. Nothing.” His voice cracked on that last line and he turned away, embarrassed._ _ _ _ _ _

______And Sam suddenly understood. He knew he should be feeling something, he wasn’t sure what, but he understood. “You sure?”_ _ _ _ _ _

______“Yes.”_ _ _ _ _ _

______“OK. Your call.” And Sam tossed the condom off the bed. He grabbed the lube and slicked up his hand then did Dean’s ass again. He positioned himself at the entrance and looked at Dean. “You ready?”_ _ _ _ _ _

______“Oh just fucking fuck me already,” Dean said but there was no true malice in his voice._ _ _ _ _ _

______Sam shook his head and popped the head of his cock past the ring. He instantly stopped as Dean sucked in a huge breath. “Dean?”_ _ _ _ _ _

______“Gimme a minute. It’s been a while. And I think I was rehymenated here too when I came back.”_ _ _ _ _ _

______Sam waited and when Dean’s muscles seemed to relax, he met his brother’s eyes. Dean nodded and Sam started a slow but steady invasion. Once he was fully sheathed he stopped again and let Dean get used to the feeling. He glanced down and saw that Dean’s cock, which had been full and hard, had softened some. In an effort to distract, he grabbed hold of Dean’s cock and stroked it a few times._ _ _ _ _ _

______“Sammy,” Dean ground out._ _ _ _ _ _

______“Too much?”_ _ _ _ _ _

______“No.” It was all Dean could bite out. His hands, which had been clenching the sheets, let go and rose to clasp Sam’s shoulders. He pulled him close, trapping Sam’s arm between them._ _ _ _ _ _

______“Dean, kinda difficult to--” Sam was cut off as Dean kissed him, all desperation and need. It poured off Dean like steam off a mug of coffee. As the kiss went on and on, Dean’s hand crept down and pushed Sam’s off him, then replaced that hand with his own._ _ _ _ _ _

______“I worry about me,” he said against Sam’s mouth, “you worry about doing what you gotta do.”_ _ _ _ _ _

______“Deal.” Sam eased back slightly and picked his angle. He began an almost lazy plunging movement, but it seemed to work for Dean who sucked in a breath and then began to jack off to the same rhythm. As Sam eventually sped up, so did Dean, always keeping match. Soon the pace grew quite frenetic and they were pounding against each other, Dean gasped out Sam’s name like a prayer._ _ _ _ _ _

______Sam watched the expressions crossing Dean’s face and wondered what was on his own. Then Dean grabbed his ass with his free hand and hauled Sam against him and that was it. Sam pushed in once, twice, and that was it. He was coming._ _ _ _ _ _

______Seconds after Dean felt that wet warmth in him, that triggered his release and Dean splattered yet again, coating them both. As Sam’s body came out of the orgasm, he started to fall on top of his brother but he rolled to the side, slipping free. He heard Dean make a noise, not sure if it was from pain or loss, and looked at him. Dean had an arm thrown over his face so Sam couldn’t see his eyes but the rest of his body was slick with sweat and their come._ _ _ _ _ _

______Without a word, Sam got up and padded to the bathroom and got a wet washcloth. He came back and mopped up first Dean, then himself. Still Dean didn’t lower his arm. Sam took the cloth back and hung it up then went back to the bed. He climbed back in and lay down but kept a bit of distance between his brother and himself. When Dean still said nothing he simply asked, “you good?”_ _ _ _ _ _

______“You feel any different?” Dean countered with._ _ _ _ _ _

______“Different?”_ _ _ _ _ _

______Dean finally dropped his arm and rolled on his side to look at Sam. “Feel like you got your soul back?”_ _ _ _ _ _

______Sam thought about it. “No. I’m just like I was before we did this.” He gestured at them and the bed. Something flickered in Dean’s eyes but it was so fast that he couldn’t tell exactly what it was. “Maybe it takes a bit to happen?”_ _ _ _ _ _

______“Yeah.” Dean’s voice was gravelly._ _ _ _ _ _

______“You should get some sleep.” Sam was about to get out of the bed but he thought it might be better for his brother if he stayed. He didn’t touch him though as Dean wriggled around and shut his eyes. When he thought that Dean might be drifting off and not notice his getting up. he did. He stopped at the foot of the bed, back turned toward it, and half turned his head back. “I wish I could be the Sam you need me to be, Dean.” He parted his lips as if to say something else but then he clamped them shut again._ _ _ _ _ _

______He had just started to turn his head away when Dean mumbled from his doze, “love you, Sammy.”_ _ _ _ _ _

______His head started to turn back but suddenly what looked like a cord of glowing white light shot from Dean and connected with Sam. His body went stiff as what felt like a jolt of electricity ran through him, driving him to his knees. Dean had woken up at his cry and was scrambling out of bed._ _ _ _ _ _

______“Sammy!” Dean ran to him and tried to touch him but the glow was like a force field and he couldn’t. “Sammy?”_ _ _ _ _ _

______Sam opened his mouth, perhaps to scream, but then the glow cut off. Like a switch had turned off. He slumped to his hands and breathed hard. Dean immediately crouched down with him, hands on him._ _ _ _ _ _

______“You okay? Are you hurt?”_ _ _ _ _ _

______“No. Yes. I--” and suddenly it hit Sam. All at once. His eyes went wide and this time he did scream. Or tried to but it came out choked air. An expression of horror crossed his face and his eyes filled with tears. As they spilled down his cheeks he turned blind eyes around the room. “Dean?” It came out broken, a cry for help._ _ _ _ _ _

______“I’m right here, Sammy,” Dean responded immediately. He wrapped his arms around his brother, who started shivering like it was winter. “I’m right here.”_ _ _ _ _ _

______“I think it worked. I got my soul back. And I remember everything. The cage, and what my body did. And my soul…” he couldn’t say._ _ _ _ _ _

______“Is reacting. You’re feeling all the emotions you couldn’t feel.” Dean’s voice was soft and warm and caring. “I thought that might happen.”_ _ _ _ _ _

______“It’s too much. It’s just too much!” Sam shouted._ _ _ _ _ _

______“Shhh. Hold onto me. Just think about me. Make me your focus. Don’t think or feel about anything else right now.”_ _ _ _ _ _

______Sam tried that and was instantly sickened. “Oh my God, Dean, we had sex! I fucked you! I used you, I--”_ _ _ _ _ _

______Dean pulled back just far enough and kissed him, hard. When he withdrew he saw shock on Sam’s face and almost smiled. “Well, there’s a good way to shut you up,” he tried to joke. “You didn’t use me. You did fuck me but it wasn’t, like, rape or anything. I gave myself to you.”_ _ _ _ _ _

______“But--”_ _ _ _ _ _

______“Shut. Up. And just hold on to me.” He waited a beat then sighed as Sam’s arms came around him and they held each other. Dean was thinking about asking if they could move to the bed--his knees were starting to hurt--when a voice spoke._ _ _ _ _ _

______“Knew you boys could do it.” They both turned and there stood Gabriel with a smile on his face. “Though I have to admit I figured more of a marathon sex session.”_ _ _ _ _ _

______Dean wanted very much to either shoot that son of a bitch or go punch him in his stupid angel face, but he didn’t dare let go of Sam. “What the hell do you want, wings?”_ _ _ _ _ _

______“Just wanted to say congrats on getting Sam’s soul back in his body, Deano. Like I said, I knew you could do it. And now you don’t have to worry about losing your souls again.”_ _ _ _ _ _

______“What?” Sam asked. “What do you mean?”_ _ _ _ _ _

______“You’ve bonded your souls to each other, given them over to each other. You own each other’s souls,” he said in a I’m-talking-to-slow-people voice. “And I doubt you’d sell each other’s souls for stuff. And no one else can take them. Sweet deal, huh? I thought of that bit myself,” Gabriel said as he grinned._ _ _ _ _ _

______Dean just looked at him. “That all you got to say?”_ _ _ _ _ _

______“Oh, right, sorry, interrupting. You guys gonna go for round two now that Sam’s got his soul back? Maybe he’ll tell you now, eh, Dean?” Gabriel winked. “You’re right. Gotta fly. Kali’s waiting for me. I may borrow a trick or two from you guys.” With a wicked grin, he turned to Sam. “Our deal is fulfilled, Samuel Winchester. See ya!” And with that, he disappeared._ _ _ _ _ _

______They both looked at the spot where he’d been and then Dean turned to look back at Sam. “What exactly was your deal?”_ _ _ _ _ _

______“Um, I don’t remember?”_ _ _ _ _ _

______“Uh huh. Now try it with feeling.”_ _ _ _ _ _

______Sam laughed and it felt so good to feel the emotion behind it. “Okay. When Gabriel appeared to me while my soul was in the cage…”_ _ _ _ _ _

_______**“Sam Winchester. Howdy.”**__ _ _ _ _ _

_______**“Gabriel. I thought you were dead.”**_ _ _ _ _ _ _

_______**“Yeah, I’ve been getting that a lot. I’m not. All good. And I’ve come to make you a deal.”**_ _ _ _ _ _ _

_______**“Since when do angels deal? And how can you be here? This is Hell.”**_ _ _ _ _ _ _

_______**“Lucifer’s an angel. A fallen one but still an angel. About that deal.”**_ _ _ _ _ _ _

_______**“What about it?”**_ _ _ _ _ _ _

_______**“You know that Crowley pulled your body back up to the world, right?”**_ _ _ _ _ _ _

_______**“Yes.” Sam looked down at his ‘residual image’ of himself. He did not glance back to where Michael and Lucifer were still at it at the far side of the cage.**_ _ _ _ _ _ _

_______**“Well, your bod hooked up again with Dean--”**_ _ _ _ _ _ _

_______**“Dean! Did he--I--he hurt him?”**_ _ _ _ _ _ _

_______**“No. It’s still you. Even without a soul, you’d never hurt your bro. But Dean just found out you’ve got no soul, Sam. And he’s pretty upset about it.”**_ _ _ _ _ _ _

_______**“I would be too.”**_ _ _ _ _ _ _

_______**“Yeah, he’s taking it pretty hard. And since your soul belongs to Crowley since he’s the new King of Hell, there’s no way Dean’s gonna be able to get you out.”**_ _ _ _ _ _ _

_______**“There a point to all this or did you just come to depress me?”**_ _ _ _ _ _ _

_______**“Whoa. Major snark there. I like.” Gabriel gave a thumbs up. “But I figured we’d kill two birds with one stone, so to speak.”**_ _ _ _ _ _ _

_______**“What do you mean?”**_ _ _ _ _ _ _

_______**“You want to go back to your brother, right?**_ _ _ _ _ _ _

_______**“Yes, of course. Back to my body as well.”**_ _ _ _ _ _ _

_______**“I can arrange that.”**_ _ _ _ _ _ _

_______**“In return for what?”**_ _ _ _ _ _ _

_______**“Your promise. That you will stay with your brother.”**_ _ _ _ _ _ _

_______**Sam waited. “That’s it? I’ll stay with Dean?”**_ _ _ _ _ _ _

_______**“Understand what I’m saying here, Sammy boy. You have to promise to stay with him forever. No more Jess’s, no more normal life, you commit yourself heart, body and soul to your brother.”**_ _ _ _ _ _ _

_______**Sam paused. “What about Dean? What if he wants Lisa and Ben and a normal life?”**_ _ _ _ _ _ _

_______**“Ain’t in the cards, kiddo,” Gabriel said, sounding eerily like both Dean and John Winchester. “Lisa already gave him his walking papers. Like she said, once you came back, that was it. And once you fully come back,” the angel smiled, “well, that’s a game changer.”**_ _ _ _ _ _ _

_______**Sam knew Gabriel wasn’t telling him everything. “So I promise to stay with Dean forever and you return my soul to my body?”**_ _ _ _ _ _ _

_______**“Nope. You promise to stay with Dean forever and I promise to return your soul to Earth. Relax. I’ll put it somewhere very safe. And you’ll have a chance to get back in your body. If zombie!you and Dean are willing to pay the price.”**_ _ _ _ _ _ _

_______**“I suppose it wouldn’t do me any good to ask what that price is?”**_ _ _ _ _ _ _

_______**“Nope.”**_ _ _ _ _ _ _

_______**“Didn’t think so.” Sam ran his hand through his hair. “Don’t suppose you’d let me think about this?”**_ _ _ _ _ _ _

_______**“Fraid not, SoulBoy. Time’s a ticking on this one. So what’s it going to be? Yes or no?” __**_ _ _ _ _ _ _

________“Obviously you said yes,” Dean put in dryly._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________Sam nodded. They’d moved to the bed, climbing under the covers out of embarrassment for their nakedness. “I had to get back to you.” He turned and looked at Dean. “At any price I had to pay.”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________“That’s how we got into this trouble in the first place, Sammy,” Dean felt compelled to point out._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________“I know.” Sam was silent for a long moment then, “but I don’t regret it.”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________“And being stuck with me from now on?”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________“I don’t regret that either.” His big hand playing with the blanket, Sam started to blush. “Especially not after….” he trailed off._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________“Sam.” Dean’s hand touched his shoulder and he looked up. “I don’t want you tied to me out of--”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________“I’m not!” Sam took a breath. “God, Dean, while I was down there in the cage, I had a lot of time to think. You know time passes differently. Even as a soul.” Dean nodded. “I was down there for years. And I came to realize how much you mean to me. We are stronger together. We’re each other’s weakness but we’re also each other’s strength.” Sam touched his temple. “I have memories of being this fantastic hunter in my head. But I know that together, you and I,” he waved his hand back and forth between them, “we’re better than anything. We defeated Lucifer. We stopped the Apocalypse. Doesn’t get much bigger than that.” He stopped and looked at his brother._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________Dean said nothing._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________“If you really want to go back to Lisa, try to get her back, go find someone else, I won’t stop you. It’s your right. I,” Sam’s voice cracked, the emotion bleeding through, “want you to be happy. But Dean, I think this is what was always meant to be.”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________“What was?” Dean asked._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________Sam gestured again. “You and me. Together. Saving people, hunting things, the family business,” he said, smiling. He hadn’t noticed the tears that were falling._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________“You think we were meant to be, what? Lovers? Sam, that’s crazy. We’re blood, we’re family. We’re also both men. ”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________“I know. But Dean, all I know is…it feels right.” Sam stopped. “That and…I love you. Now Gabriel says our souls are bound together. And I want that. I didn’t even know how much until he said it. I think, even more than being Lucifer’s vessel, that this was what I was meant for.” He stopped, furious at himself for saying such things. He didn’t dare look up._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________Dean’s hand on his shoulder fell away and he nearly cried out in despair. Emotions threatened to overwhelm him but as the tears started fresh, Dean’s hand tilted his head up and wiped them away. Then he tugged Sam down, pulling him into the crook of his arms._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________“Dean?”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________“Shhh. It’s okay, Sammy.” And Sam didn’t know if Dean was saying he accepted things or just trying to calm his brother. “Just sleep now, all right? You can sleep now.”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________Sam realized how very tired he was and nodded against Dean’s chest. Part of him wanted to know what Dean thought but a bigger part of him was scared. But he had to ask, had to know, “will you be here when I wake up?”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________He heard Dean chuckle above his head. “Course I will, Sammy. Promise.”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________It was a start. Sam let himself drift off in Dean’s arms, hoping that morning would bring answers and not pain. Dean watched him fall asleep and then bent down and kissed his head. Sam stirred then settled back down._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________“Forever, huh?” A smile curled Dean’s lips. “I can live with that.” Dean settled down with his brother, muttering as he did, “still gonna kick that angel’s ass though.”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________ _ _ _ _ _ _

________End_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

**Author's Note:**

> I added in the "possible dub-con" tag because of this being soulless!Sam and also--at least at first--the boys are doing this because of other reasons. If you feel that the warning should be changed, please let me know. I'm still pretty new at this.


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